Potter Hellsing
by Rev.Rannath
Summary: Harry runs into a familiar female vampire. Gets adopted by a familiar vampire hunter. Goes to a familiar school. Three ha ha ha!
1. Chapter One

Potter-Hellsing  
By: Rannath

Disclaimer: Don't own Harry Potter, Hellsing, The Bet, etc  
Chapter One: Where is the world is Carme… The-Boy-Who-Lived.

Harry panted heavily as he ran from his cousin, again. They were "playing" his cousin's favourite game, "Harry hunting". He was quite a bit faster then his cousin, but his cousin's friends kept up with him. Up ahead, to the left, there was a park, and to the right, a street that lead to the mall, which would be packed at this time of day. Harry makes a right, and the rest as we say is history.

At another time, in another place a small black cat sits staring into a well mesmerized by its flowing miasma. A well rounded woman walks up behind him and leans over to look into the well too. The cat glances at the woman, idly notes the excellent view her position gives him then turns back to the well.

"What's the new bet for, Toltiir, Ranma again? Tenchi?" The cat turns to look at the woman and smirks.

"No, no, no, we're moving out of those universes for a while. We've had enough of them." The woman looks patiently at the cat, who begins to sweat under the look of motherly disappointment. He sighs and curses Hathor for her lacking sense of humour then continues, "We found another interesting and wide-sped mortal to manipulate for the time being. A young man named Harry Potter." Hathor smiles serenely and gazes down into the well,  
"Is that him, the one being chased?" Toltiir nods and Hathor gazes more intently into the well, as if searching for something. After a short while a smile appears on her face and she holds her hand out towards Toltiir, who uses his tail to flick a pebble into her hand. With a practised throw Hathor launches the peddle into the well. In the well the peddle can be seen hiting a pipe.

Back with Harry, he could go left and end up at the park or right and end up at the mall, for all the good it'd do him being closed due to a gas leak. Left it was. It took young Harry only a minute to reach the park, twenty or so seconds to reach a bench with a female police officer on it, and about three seconds to duck behind the officer.

"Where'd he go?"

"I don't know, look for him!"

Those are the voices of Dudley's friends, after only a second another, the cop yelled at his 'robust' cousin,  
"So you brats are why that poor boy was running scared!"

Queue the sound of half a dozen feet scampering away in various directions followed by silence.

"It's alright to come out now kid. Those brats are gone." Harry glances up to see the police officer that'd been on the bench he'd ducked behind. She had a hand stretched out to him. He got up, with some help from the friendly police officer and brushed himself off. She looked at him, with his clothes, which were far too big, his repeatedly broken glasses and his slight frame and clicked her tongue in disapproval.

"Do you have somewhere to stay?" Harry nodded. She looked sharply at him, "Somewhere safe?" He hesitated then nodded although somewhat reluctantly,  
"I don't believe you kid." He looks scared and she smile reassuringly at him, "Don't worry, I'm just going to check in on your family before I send you back to them. Where do you live?" He looked slightly ashamed and mutters something under his breath. The police officer sighs and says, "I have really good hearing you know. So it's Number four Privet Drive?" Harry looks sharply up at the woman, eyes wide in surprise.

About half an hour later there was a knock on the door of No.4 Privet Drive. Petunia Dursley answered the door to find her nephew and a police officer. Her eyes narrowed, her jaw clenched and her knuckles went white. Before she could get a word in edgewise she officer begins speaking,  
"Hello ma'am I'm Officer Ceres, I found your nephew here a short while away being chased by some hoodlums. Normally I'd just drop him off, but while he claimed to have somewhere safe to stay, it was obvious he lied, so I assumed he was a runaway." When the officer stops talking Petunia latchs onto her story like someone drowning latches onto a life-preserver.

"Yes we've always had a bit of trouble with Harry. He's slightly troubled you see." The Officer nods and asks,  
"May I come in for a moment?"

Petunia nods and motions for the officer to follow, with Harry in tow. On the mantel there were pictures of the boy who was chasing Harry. The officer scowls and gesturs to the pictures. "No pictures of Harry?" Petunia looked slightly put off by the question, but persevers anyways,  
"We only became his guardians recently. We haven't been able to get any pictures of him," she stole a quick glance at Harry and continus, "or to get him any proper clothing yet." The officer smiles falsely and nods, then asks another question,  
"So you don't mind your son being around Harry, even though he's disturbed?" Petunia starts sweating noticeably at this point.

"Dudders does try so hard to be friends with Harry but Harry just doesn't seem to like people." The officer nodd and put her hand on Harry's shoulder. After which she steerd him back towards the door.

"I'm afraid, Mrs. Dursley that I'll have to take young Harry here to an orphanage for a short while." Petunia blanchs at this and demands,  
"Why?" The officer just shook her head and answers,  
"I don't believe this is a safe environment for this child, seeing as your child, who 'tried so hard to befriend Harry' was the hoodlum I found trying to beat him up."

Several hours later, in London proper the officer steps out of a van, followed shortly by Harry. Harry looks up to see a huge mansion. He turns to the officer and asks,  
"What are we doing here?" she smiles and answers,  
"I live here, with a few others." Harry follows the officer up the walk to the front door. There they are greeted by an old man,  
"Good evening Victoria how was your night off?" The officer, Victoria looks wearily at the old man,  
"Not very relaxing, but it was a good night. By the way, could you watch the child while I go talk to Sir Hellsing? Please Walter." Walter smiles at the child then looks back at Victoria,  
"It would be my honour." As Victoria scampers off up some steps Harry looks at the old man who's smiles benignly. "Would you like something to eat young man?" Harry nods shyly and follows Walter off towards the kitchen.

Upstairs Victoria came to a stop in front of a study. She knocks and a silky voice answers from within,  
"Come in." Victoria opened the door to see a woman behind a desk, with paper spread out in front of her. The woman with long platinum blond hair, wearing a heavy suit that covers up her body and glasses that seem to catch the light at any angle was writing furiously at the papers in front of her. She looked towards Victoria and motioned to a chair in front of her. Victoria sat and waited for the woman to finish, what ever it is she's doing. After several moments the woman puts down her pen and barks,  
"Report."

Victoria quickly gives a concise explanation of what happened then pauses while the woman puffs on a cigar she'd pulled out during the explanation. The woman asks,  
"What would you have me do?" Victoria looked slightly nervous,  
"Just let him stay here for the night, then have one of the soldiers bring him to an orphanage in the morning." The woman lets the suggestion sit for a while then nods,  
"We'll put the boy up for the night. Have Walter get him cleaned and fed then put in one of the guest rooms." Victoria nods,  
"Thank you Sir Integra."

After Victoria left Integra puffs on her cigar for a bit. Then she looked back down at her papers to get back to work. From her left a voice rang out,  
"You should consider keeping that child." Glancing to her left Integra asked,  
"Why would I do that Alucard?" A tall man in a red trench coat stepped out of the shadows. "He has the potential to be a very powerful wizard, he would be quite the asset once he was properly trained." Integra snorts,  
"The boy is six Alucard, who would take care of him?" Alucard smirks as if to say 'I know something you don't',

"Walter has expressed regrets for not having children, police girl loves children and you have as yet to produce and heir to the Hellsing name." Integra stiffens at the last part of Alucards list, to which he smirks, "if you truly wish I could care for the child." Integra glarea at Alucard, who's smirk bloomed into an insane Cheshire grin.

"Inform Ms. Ceres that unless on duty or patrol she will take care of the child until such time as I make a final decision."

This was just an idea I had, if I have good reviews I'll go through each year, otherwise it'll just be a two chapter story.  
If any one would like to proofread for me I would be most greatful.


	2. Chapter Two

Potter-Hellsing  
By: Rannath

1st entry June 1998,  
Sir Hellsing eventually said that young Harry could stay, though it was Alucard who eventually persuaded her to let him stay, I believe he threatened to have Ceres turn him otherwise. Her one condition though was that while she was adopting the child I and a few of the day guards are to look after him during the day while Ms. Victoria and Sir Hellsing will look after him for the few hours before he goes to bed and after he wakes.

Alucard is immensely pleased with himself. He's sad a self-satisfied smirk ever since he convinced Sir Hellsing to let the child stay. Though it's not much different than his normal conceited smirk his eyes glow much cooler then before. He has also started young Harry's 'Magical Education', as he calls it. I call it picking on the poor child. He pops out of random walls and pounces on Harry making threatening gestures and noises. Almost every time he does it Harry either simply isn't there when he gets to him or Alucard gets pushed back by what I believe to be air pressure.

Harry gets on well with Ms. Victoria. She treats him much like a little brother and he laps up the attention. It's a pity she can only be out from dusk until dawn at her present stage of development, not that she'd be out much during the day, if Alucard is any indicator. At the moment they are playing tag in the back yard. I asked Ms. Victoria not to go to lightly on the child. If we incorporate 'play' into the child's exercise routine then I can make him combat ready in no time.

Madam Integra gets along well enough with Harry. She seems cold, but she does care about him, it annoys her to no end that Alucard scares the child at every turn. She has in fact decided to groom young Harry to succeed her, as a 'backup' plan I believe. She gives him lessons on tactics, the equipment that the troops use and a few small lessons about how to lead men. One such lesson I conveniently happened to hear was along the lines of,  
"A strong leader begets strong men." That was of course paraphrased.

As for my own relationship with the child, well I'm him primary tutor and as such spend a great deal of time with him. He's a bright child, though he seems to abhor success. I eventually, with the aid of much chocolate and ice cream, coaxed the reason for his odd behaviour out of him. It seems his Aunt and Uncle we're quite displease when he did better then their own child, and since their own child was not the brightest of children… I still haven't found a way to get young Harry to strive when it came to academia, though he did start applying himself quite a bit more when I pointed out that Dudley was no longer a factor in his life.

While he struggled a bit in academic studies his martial studies are progressing quite well, for a novice that is. He will end up with enough skill to hold his own against the majority of Vampires, though he will never have a hope of facing Alucard or Ms. Victoria as an equal, not with his physical skills alone that is.

Walter C. Dolneas

6th entry July 2000,  
After the attack on the Hellsing compound by the Vampires Jared and Yan Valentine and their army of Ghouls young Harry has withdrawn into himself. Of the three survivors of that fateful day (Alucard and Victoria are already dead), it seems he killed a good number of the former guard who became ghouls, some of them who he had played with just the day before. He will only speak to Alucard surprisingly, though he doesn't give Harry much choice in the matter.

Alucard claims that his 'magical education' has finally paid off. It seem that young wizard commonly lose control of their magic when they are unaware of it. Alucard simply made Harry lose control so many times that he eventually became aware of it. Harry can apparently do a few small things with his magic, though nowhere near as much as he will be able to do once he gets a wand. At the moment his magic seems to be concentrated totally on generating fireballs to toss at Alucard.

-Walter C. Dolneas

7th entry July 2000  
Young Harry has held up quite well since the incident with the Valentine brothers. Though he has thrown himself into his studies completely, he is quite the child. At the age of eight he is nearly done with high school material, he will take the equivalency tests in just four months. He also works quite a bit harder on his martial skills. He has opted to learn to use both my mono-filament wires and a sword much as his mother does.

I'm quite proud to say he's capable with my wires, not as good as I was in my prime, but he will be. With a sword he seems to be skilled, though Alucard and Sir Hellsing are the only ones that could possibly judge him on that skill. He is also learning to use a gun from Alucard. Apparently with his magic young Harry can duplicate the Vampires natural sight beyond sight, though he can't use it as easily as the Vampires themselves do.

When Sir Hellsing met Enrico Maxwell of the Iscariot Ceres and young Harry Met one Hermoine Granger who was at the Museum with her Grandparents, they were fast friends it seems. Young Harry has insisted on writing to Ms. Granger on an average of twice a month, she of course writes back just as regularly. Every time Ms. Granger's letters arrive Alucard insists on reading them aloud to Harry, on the off chance there is some thing embarrassing I believe.

-Walter C. Dolneas

8th entry June 2000  
During the small-scale war against the Millennium group young Harry showed incredible promise. While he didn't do as much as Ms. Victoria or Alucard he did kill quite a few freak-Vampires, though none of the lieutenants. When the Iscariot saved them young Harry met a nun by the name of Yumiko, they exchanged a few words, most of which Harry doesn't remember, and now Harry writes to two young ladies.

See combat report #264 for more information.

27th entry August 2002  
Young Harry got a letter from one 'Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry' it seems Ms. Granger got one as well. Harry wrote her a letter about what he believed to be a prank. It seems she received one as well. Then Alucard insisted that the school was indeed real and that Harry should tell 'his girlfriend' the same. After some complaints about Alucard's remark Harry wrote another letter to Ms. Granger and they agreed to meet to go into 'Diagon alley' on the Fourth. It seems Alucard knows where the alley is and how to get in.

Append:

One Rubeus Hagrid appeared on our door step the evening of the third to bring Harry to Diagon Alley. Sir Hellsing talked Mr. Hagrid into bringing the Grangers along. Apparently she didn't trust Alucard among a crowd of wizards. When young Harry got home Sir Integra had me look through some of Harry's books to see if there was anything of Value in them. There were a few things of Value, but anything we could use was already in the Hellsing library.

28th entry September 1st 2002,  
Sir Hellsing and I saw young Harry off this morning. He followed a gaggle of young red haired men into the proper platform. Moments afterwards I saw young Ms Granger enter the platform.

-Walter C. Dolneas

Combat Report #264  
Due to the timely intrusion of the Iscariot I was unable to witness Walter or Alucard's combat.

Name: Harry James Potter-Hellsing  
Age: 8  
Born: July 31st 1991  
Height: 129.54 cm  
Weight: 27.5 Kg

Weapons:  
-Silvered Short Sword (X2)  
-Mono-Filament wire (X10)  
-Sig P226: Baptised Amalgam Rounds (BAR) (gold casing) (X2)  
-Remington .38 Special Derringer: BAR (X20)

Ghouls: 59  
Derringer: 15  
Sig: 28  
Wire: 16

Vampires: 11  
Sig: 9  
Wire: 2

Harry was in Combat for precisely 15 minutes and destroyed 70 hostiles, 3 of which were a significant threat to Hellsing Personnel (Integra and Harry Hellsing).  
All other combatants are logged in Combat Report #263

-Sir Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing

Dear Norville Rogers,

The Dursleys have opted out of bringing you to court. They have awarded Madam Hellsing full custody of one Harry Potter. They have two simple conditions. The first being that the person known as Alucard never approach their residence under any circumstance and the other being "Keep the freak away from us."  
All the relevant files are attached for you to look over.

Sincerely,  
Bartholomew Roberts, Attorney At Law

Sir Hellsing,

You've been granted custody of Harry Potter and I've attached the files to get his name changed if you wish.

Good luck to you and the boy,  
Norville

26.5Kg ≈ 58lbs  
129.54cm ≈ 4'3"

Note: to keep with continuity (as best I can) all measurements will be in metric, then an equivalent in imperial will be given at the bottom.

Neither of the attorneys have random names. Bartholomew is the name of the pirate better known as "Black Bart" and Norville Rogers is Shaggy of Scooby-doo.

This is one story I won't end up abandoning. The one that I have (officially) abandoned was quite literally going nowhere and thus is being rewritten. It won't be put up until it's finished. My other stories are just looking for inspiration. I fully intend to add new twists and whatnot to the story, because very little will stay the same. I will try to write them well, but that would be much easier if I had a proofreader.


	3. Chapter Three

Potter-Hellsing

By Rannath

>>>

Harry followed close behind Walter, who seemed to know where he was going. Suddenly Walter stopped and pointed to a large group, their hair made it obvious that they were at least distantly related. Two young men, twins by the look of it, walked through the barrier between platforms nine and ten, one after the other. Harry watched intently as the last child went through.

"Are you sure Walter?"  
"Of course young master, I trust you can handle your chest?"

Harry snorted, causing Walter to smile wryly.

Harry made his way through the crowd, up to the barrier and leaned back casually, when he didn't feel anything he took a few quick steps through the barrier. In front of him was a magnificent, if slightly outdated crimson train. All around the hidden platform mingled men, women and children ranging from those with horrible taste to those garbed in the most bizarre robes.

Harry pushed his way through the throng and into one of the rear cabins. Thankfully it only took him five tries to find an empty cabin. After stowing his trunk he sat down and waited for the train to start moving. After about thirty seconds another young man, one of the red-heads he'd seen go through the barrier earlier came in.  
"Mind if I sit here, all the other compartments are full."

Harry gestured towards the seat across from him and the red-head came in, lugging his trunk behind him. Harry got up and picked up his trunk and stowed in above the other boy's seat. The boy's eyes went wide and he said,  
"How did you do that? With a levitation charm?"

"Pure strength." The other boy blinked and smiled crookedly,  
"That's wicked. Are you muggleborn?" Harry nodded,  
"Though I don't see why it matters." The red-head waved his hands defensively in front of himself,  
"Not really, I you have any questions I can help you out. I'm Ron by the way, Ron Weasley" Harry smiled slightly and reached out his hand,  
"I'd like that, if you can spare the time. My name is Harry Hellsing" Ron's eyes widened and he asked,  
"You're a Hellsing?" Harry nodded, albeit hesitantly. Ron smile went wide,  
"Didn't your ancestor say that you'd all get private tutors instead?" Harry shook his head,  
"You know the story of Dracula?" Ran flinched when Harry said Dracula, but nodded.

"When Abraham Van Hellsing destroyed Dracula he was weak, barely able to stand, his only companion was his son, a weak wizard by the name of Simon. They didn't know that Dracula's daughter had sired another. That man was Alucard," at the name Alucard Ron stiffened and made a gagging sound. Just then the trolley witch opened the door,  
"Would you boy's like something?" Harry ordered a bit of everything and some extra pumpkin juice for Ron. After Ron had the juice forced down his throat he relaxed a bit.

"Anyways, after Alucard," Ron stiffened a bit again, but didn't gag quite as much, "appeared Abraham Van Hellsing wasn't able to beat him and his son wasn't able to do anything against him either. So to save his father and quite a few peasants the younger Hellsing did something unthinkable, he offered his own magic and that of his decedents to bind Alucard to him, as a slave." Harry paused here to let what he'd told Ron sink in. "Family Legend has it that Alucard still exists, barred away in some dank chamber within Hellsing castle." A look of utter horror passed Ron's face, causing Harry to chuckle. Ron's horrified look faded as he realized he'd been had, his ears turned bright pink and his face flamed.

"That wasn't funny.""Oh we think…"  
"… it was very funny."  
"Very funny indeed."  
"By the way, I'm George and this…"  
"is Fred"  
"We think your story was wicked…"  
"though I wouldn't spread it around…  
"the other students might hex you for it…"  
"Alucard's a bit of a sore spot…"  
"no wizard, other then your esteemed…"  
"many times great-granddad …"  
"were able to as much as drive Alucard away…"  
"and a muggle was the one who killed his brood-father."

Harry blinked at the odd twins, who had come in during his story, and smirked,"You know the worse part?" The twins shook their heads, "No one even believes Alucard's still alive," Harry tilted his head to look behind the twins, "right Alucard?" The twins smirked and opened their mouths, only to be interrupted from behind,  
"Quite right young master." They turned to see a man in a pristine suit with long black hair, blood red eyes and three centimetre long fangs, smirking at them. They both looked horrified and backed into the compartment when suddenly the vampire disappeared. The twins looked at Harry, wide eyed. He grinned impishly and pulled out his wand then gave it a flick while mumbling something under his breath. The vampire suddenly reappeared, then quickly flickered and disappeared.

The twins faces shifted from looks of horror, to embarrassment then settled between amusement and anger.

"As cool as that was..."  
"you really shouldn't do it again…"  
"that WOULD get you expelled."  
Harry blinked,  
"Really?" The twins nodded,  
"Think of making an illusion of that Satan guy in a church."

Harry nodded. The door suddenly opened and in walked Hermione.

"Have any of you seen a Toad, Neville here lost one." Harry answered,  
"Sorry Hermione we haven't seen one." Hermione smiled at Harry,  
"Did you enjoy your summer?" Harry nodded,  
"I did, I especially liked reading through the transfiguration book." Hermione's smile suddenly became brilliant,  
"So did I, I've asked a few others, but not many have even cracked open the books, mostly just the muggleborns." Harry said goodbye to the other boys and left to help Hermione track down Neville's Toad.

After a short while and a few dozen subjects they eventually began talking about the school houses. Hermione brought it up,  
"So what house do you think you'll be in?"  
"Ravenclaw or Slytherin" Hermione looked shocked,  
"But in Hogwarts a History," Harry already knew what was in Hogwarts a History and decided to cut her off,  
"That book is bias to an extreme. It was written by a Gryffindor with very little ability to keep his prejudice in check. All houses have their common good traits and their common bad traits, Ravenclaw is filled with those who seek knowledge, but knowledge at any price, they tend to have the highest teen pregnancy rate and the highest drug use, Slytherin is the house of the ambitious and cunning, but often the dark are ambitious. Gryffindor is the house of the brave, and the pigheaded. Hufflepuff is the house of the loyal, and the spineless."

Hermione looked quizzically at Harry, until he handed her a rather slim book entitled 'A student's guide to Hogwarts' by Armando Dippet "This book is far less bias. I suggest you read over the section on the houses before we get to the school." Hermione, with something to distract her from Neville's toad, decided to return to her cabin. After fifteen minutes of reading, with various comments thrown in, such as,  
"That make much more sense." And, "I thought that as weird."

It was another half hour before they got to Hogwarts. When they got there they were all herded up to the lake to take the traditional 'trip across the lake in leaky boats.'

"No more'n four to a boat," yelled the giant that was leading them. One of their boat mates, a girl named Hannah Abbot, said his name was Rubeus Hagrid. After a while Hagrid yelled out again, "Heads down!" and all the children lowered they're heads, after a few seconds they cleared the cave that forced them to lower their head and looked up. There they saw an ancient magnificent castle. One the lawn in front of the castle a stern looking woman met them and told them to move into the hall and wait there for her to return.

The doors to the "great hall", identified earlier McGonagall, the stern woman, opened a few moments later to reveal a massive hall. Within the hall were five tables. Harry assumed, correctly, that there was one for each house and another for the teacher. Above the tables floated candles burning brightly. When the first years had been herded into the hall the door shut. There was a hat on a stool out in the middle of the hall. As soon as all the children were in the hall the Hat's brim opened into a mouth and the hat started singing.

Old Godzilla was hopping around  
Tokyo City like a big playground  
when suddenly Batman burst from the shade  
and hit Godzilla with a Bat-grenade  
Godzilla got pissed and began to attack  
but didn't expect to be blocked by Shaq  
who proceeded to open up a can of Shaq Fu  
when Aaron Carter came out of the blue

and he started beating up Shaquille O'Neal  
then they both got flattened by the Bat-mobile  
but before it could make it back to the Bat-cave  
Abraham Lincoln popped out of his grave  
and took an AK47 out from under his hat  
and blew Batman away with a rat-a-tat-tat  
but he ran out of bullets and he ran away  
because Optimus Prime came to save the day

this is the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny  
good guys, bad guys, and explosions as far as the eye can see  
and only one will survive, I wonder who it will be  
this is the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny

Godzilla took a bite out of Optimus Prime  
like Scruff McGruff took a bite out of crime  
and then Shaq came back covered in a tire track  
but Jackie Chan jumped out and landed on his back  
and Batman was injured, and trying to get steady  
when Abraham Lincoln came back with a machete  
but suddenly something caught his leg and he tripped  
Indiana Jones took him out with his whip

then he saw Godzilla sneaking up from behind  
and he reached for his gun which he just couldn't find  
'cause Batman stole it and he shot and he missed  
and Jackie Chan deflected it with his fist  
then he jumped in the air and did a summersault  
while Abraham Lincoln tried to pole vault  
onto Optimus Prime, but they collided in the air  
then they both got hit by a Care Bear Stare, oooh

this is the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny  
good guys, bad guys, and explosions as far as the eye can see  
and only one will survive, I wonder who it will be  
this is the Ultimate Showdown...

angels sang out in immaculate chorus  
down from the heavens descended Chuck Norris  
who deliver a kick which could shatter bones  
into the crotch of Indiana Jones  
who fell over on the ground, writhing in pain  
as Batman changed back into Bruce Wayne  
but Chuck saw through his clever disguise  
and he crushed Batman's head in between his thighs

then Gandalf the Grey and Gandalf the White and  
"Monty Python and the Holy Grail"'s Black Knight and  
Benito Mussolini and The Blue Meanie and  
Cowboy Curtis and Jambi the Genie  
Robocop, the Terminator, Captain Kirk, and Darth Vader  
Lo Pan, Superman, every single Power Ranger  
Bill S. Preston and Theodore Logan,  
Spock, The Rock, Doc Ock, and Hulk Hogan  
all came out of no where lightning fast  
and they kicked Chuck Norris in his cowboy ass  
it was the bloodiest battle the world ever saw  
with civilians looking on total awe

and the fight raged on for a century  
many lives were claimed, but eventually  
the champion stood, the rest saw their better:  
Mr. Rogers in a bloodstained sweater

this is the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny  
good guys, bad guys, and explosions as far as the eye can see  
and only one will survive, I wonder who it will be  
this is the Ultimate Showdown...  
this is the Ultimate Showdown...  
this is the Ultimate Showdown...  
of Ultimate Destiny

There was silence for a good ten minutes, broken only by some of the muggle born children giggling.  
"I told you we shouldn't have let it surf the web Albus."  
"It IS up to the hat to come up with the song Minerva." McGonagall groaned, but knew she couldn't fight, especially when Dumbledore 'twinkled' that much,  
"When I call your name you will come and sit on the stool and wear the hat to be sorted," though McGonagall wasn't talking loudly everyone heard her.

After several names of people Harry didn't know, all sorted into various houses, Hermione was called. After a few second "Gryffindor" was called out. Eventually as teacher went through the list and passed Hellsing Harry began to get apprehensive. When the teacher got to a certain spot she paused, with no student on the stool, no student coming or going, she looked over the remaining students and called out,  
"Potter-Hellsing, Harry." The room exploded with noise, some shouts of doubt, others of surprise and a few of admiration for Harry Potter, or the Hellsing name. Harry walked slowly up to the stool, took the hat, sat down then plopped the hat on his head.

"Hmm… hmm interesting, interesting it is, much intelligence in you, like your mother. You do Occulmency and Legimency,"  
"I do try"  
"Pah! There is no try, only do!… Ohhhh? Wandless magic, much skill you have, but better you can be. Not since the founder's time have I seen this." The voice in his head, who Harry assumed was the hat, paused to contemplate something,  
"Cunning you have, but no ambition, no, none at all. Brave you are not," here Harry tried to protest, but the Hat continued on heedless of his annoyance.

"Fearless you are. Life with Alucard makes you fearless, it does. Loyal you are, very loyal, no caring, a pity it is. Knowledge you desire. Knowledge for you? Knowledge for others? Hmm? Hmmmmmmm? Do well in any of the houses you would. Have a preference do you?" the hat stopped thinking at Harry and he only said,  
"I come here to learn, not to be brave, loyal or cunning." The hat smirked, knowingly and said,  
"Yes. Learn you must. Put you, I must, in… Ravenclaw!" The last part was shouted out loud. A hush fell over the hall.

The Ravenclaws clapped loudly, smiles covered the faces of Harry's new house-mates. A great deal of noise came from the Gryffindor table too. More specifically the Weasley twins, who were taking turns fainting in disappointment. By the time Percy managed to stop them they'd each 'fainted' a good half-dozen times. After the last person was sorted, Blaise Zambini, Slytherin, Dumbledore stood up and cleared his throat.

"Welcome to a new year at Hogwarts! Before we begin our banquet, I would like to say a few words. And here they are: Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak! Thank You!"  
Harry turned to an older student and asked,  
"Is he completely sane?"  
"Of course not. You can't be a really powerful wizard and completely sane."  
"Ah."After talking to the older student, Harry turned to the table. There he saw massive amount of food. He looked surprised, but after his stomach made a, rather loud, protest he decided not to worry about it, after all it wasn't poisoned.

That night, after the prefects lead the first years to their dorm Harry got to know his roommates. Terry Boot, an average sized boy with sandy blond hair and a broad grin, Harry immediately pegged him as 'everyone's best friend', he identified him-self as muggle-born. Michael Corner, a tall dark haired boy with a solemn appearance and a dry whit, Harry pegged him as 'a fucking angst pit', though that might be his experiences with vampires talking, he identified himself as half-blood. The final boy in Harry's room was Anthony Goldstein, a small pudgy boy with curly black hair and a bulbous nose. He identified himself as half-blood. Then it was Harry's turn to introduce himself.

"Harry Potter-Hellsing adopted into the Hellsing family at age six, so on and so forth, trained to kill a man in four hundred different ways, not to sure about my blood, my mother was muggle-born and my father was pureblood."  
"People like that are usually called half-bloods," offered Terry.  
They went to bed after talking for a short while longer.

The next morning Harry's room mates woke to see Harry with a towel around his shoulders topless with a great deal of sweat dripping down his face.  
"You'd better get up. Breakfast started five minutes ago." The boys got up groggily and stumbled down to the Ravenclaw boy's bath. After they were all clean they walked briskly down to the great hall. On the way Anthony asked Harry,  
"How long have you been up?"

"Hours. I usually get up at four, it's about eight twenty now." The three boys looked at Harry like he was mad. "I'm used to getting only a little sleep. My mother is a little bit crazy. She raised me to take over for her when she retires, but there aren't enough hours in the day, so I was taught to need little sleep. Down to four hours a night if you're wondering." The boys didn't seem convinced, but let it drop as they entered the great hall and the smell of food overpowered their curiosity.

After breakfast their first class was History of magic, which was as boring as the older students had told them it would be. Luckily Harry brought a note taking quill he'd bought in Diagon alley and a CD-player he'd had enchanted in Knockturn alley. The enchanter in Diagon alley had refused flat out to touch "a piece of muggle junk." After that they had charms with a tiny wizard, who fell off the books he was standing on when he called on Harry during roll call, much to the amusement of Terry and Anthony, Michael even cracked a wry grin.

The next day, they double potions with the Hufflepuffs, was by far the worst of the lot. The professor, Snape, though not outright hostile kept looking down on every student in the class. When the professor's eyes met his Harry felt barely restrained hatred. Harry smirked at the professor and Snape's eyes narrowed. After giving an opening speech, in which he insulted most of the other courses, Snape turned to Harry.

"Potter," Snape snapped, "What would I get if I added powdered root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood?"  
"Some sleeping potion, I don't remember the name off the top of my head," Snape glared at Harry, "maybe you should be asking us about first year material." Snape glared harder,  
"Tell me Potter, were would I find a bezoar?" Harry thought for a moment,  
"In the stomach of a goat I believe." Snape's eyes flattened.  
"What's the difference between monkshood and wolfsbane?"  
"That one I don't know sir. As I said maybe we should stick to first year material." Snape's eyes flatten and he gritted his teeth.  
"Five points from Ravenclaw for your cheek," he paused to look around, "well, why aren't you writing it down?"

That evening they studied astronomy in the northern tower at midnight. They were given he following morning to sleep in Then they had Defence against the dark arts. The defence class was useless. The teacher could barely control the class, who spent most of their time making fun of his stutter, or the heavy smell of garlic.

The next morning they had Herbology with a dumpy little witch name Sprout. Harry was more or less bored with this class, while the plants were magical, and needed proper precautions or special methods for harvesting, the class was still too much like tending Walter's botanical gardens. A job that Harry was punished with whenever he'd misbehaved, which while seldom, but very 'memorable.'

On Friday Harry got to class to find it nearly empty, other then an odd cat sitting on the table. He chose a seat in the middle of the class, turned to face the cat and smirked, then tried to mimic Alucard's mockingly subservient voice as much as possible,  
"You don't make a very convincing cat Professor." He then sat down. Seconds after he sat down a throng of students poured in. They were led by Terry, Michael and Anthony, who had, apparently, lost Harry as he weaved through the crowd of students leaving the Gryffindor common room. When everyone was seated, and a few people had questioned the whereabouts of the teacher and the cat, the cat jumped to the ground. As soon as it hit the ground it expanded into the stern teacher that had led them into the great hall.

Everyone was instantly silent.  
"This is a serious course, anyone fooling around will be asked to leave and not come back."  
After that the class wasn't very interesting. Nor would it be for several weeks as McGonagall said the first few weeks were "theory only."

>>>

and that's… several chapters of the book at least.

The song that the hat sings is "ultimate showdown of ultimate destiny" by lemon demon. I don't own it.


End file.
